A Little Less of Me

Times they are a changing

2011-11-05T23:25:00.002-05:00

So I started this blog at the beginning of my weight loss process but now I see that I want to expand it to include so many areas of my life. Things have changed so much in my life not only have I lost 170 lbs, overcoming my physical limitations that I had hoped would be gone after losing so much weight. However I have had to realize that will never happen I’ve abused my body for too long and now have to pay the price for that abuse.My knees, back, neck and wrists are shot even after having partial knee replacement I’m still limited in what I can do every day is a struggle. After spending the majority of the summer with my knees propped up with ice I’ve begin a real love affair with blogs. From cooking, crafting and my new drive quilting. My grandmother made quilts and I never asked her to show me how to quilt. She taught me so many things how to sew, cook and to be a lady but her one joy I did not learn from her. She had a frame over her bed that she would lower with string and would set on her bed and hand quilt. I was allowed to help once and to watch her often. One of the things I love about quilts was that she used scraps from clothes that she made to make her quilts. It would mean so much when I could point out the scraps from clothes that were mine.When I married she gave me my first quilt that was mine. My goal is now to take over the tradition that she started by learning to quilt and give all my family members quilts upon their marriage. My grandmother’s taught me to sew, crochet and knit. There are skills that I have used to make so many gifts over the years. Have even started an Etsy shop to sell some of my work. Going to have to work on my photos though someone recently ask to have a white baby blanket that they find on my site however it wasn’t white but yellow, pretty telling comment to my photo skills.Okay quilting is not my only interest right now but cooking. I received a bean pot for Christmas and it is amazing. Have started following so many blogs and The Crock Pot Girls. So I am going to change this blog to include all of my interests and to share them with who ever would like to view them. It might talk me a little time to make all the changes but keep an eye out for the future!

The Day After

2011-05-30T10:18:00.002-05:00

As I set here resting my knees I am filled with so much joy and peace. On May 29th my son, Chuck married the woman of his dreams, Jenna. The wedding was perfect and filled with love. It is so easy to see how much they love each other, just look at the way they look at each other. As I watched them exchange their vows yesterday and heard Chuck in such a clear and loud voice pledge himself to Jenna, well there aren't any words to describe how I felt. Visions of times gone by of the sweet baby I brought home 28 years ago, filled my mind and the hope for the future. Have to admit that I am one blessed woman, my wonderful husband, two amazing sons and now finally the perfect daughter.

As I walked down the aisle on my son's arm yesterday beaming with pride and joy it occurred to me that if I hadn't had weight loss surgery two years ago I probably wouldn't have been able to make that walk or dance with my married son. In fact might not have been here today if I hadn't had weight loss surgery. It has been a hard battle but one I would do again and wouldn't have changed a thing. Why would I when the reward was so sweet.

Now I have so many things to look forward to think I'll hang for the rest of this ride of my live and see where it takes me next. All my love to Chuck and Jenna a they begin a new season in their lives.

2011

2011-01-03T14:32:00.002-06:00

After losing 170 lbs. you would think that my brain would have adjusted to the changes in my body. I know that movement and stamina have changed but that is about as far as it goes.

The reason this has come up again, yesterday went to Wal Mart to do some shopping and while there notice they had some warm pjs on sale. I was able to purchase a pair off the rack that fit. Two years ago would never had been able to do something so simple. Had to go to a speciality store to purchase anything in my size and would have to be forced to go for the fear that they wouldn't have anything in my size. Needless to say it still boggles my mind that now I can go anywhere and buy clothes that fit me.

We recently went to a wedding of some dear friends. While dressing for the wedding the black pants I want to wear were too big. Mike gave me one of his belts to wear with the jeans. Well I never thought I would be able to wear one of his belts, but it fit. If you know my husband you know he isn't a big guy and for his belt to fit around my waist is crazy. Learn something new about myself every day and can't wait to see what is next in the new year.

Down 164 lbs.

2010-05-14T11:17:00.003-05:00

Today I'm 164 lbs lighter and it seems like a dream. Had to go shopping for new clothes. Everything I brought last summer is too big for me. Thankfully the only pair of shorts I purchased last year have a drawstring. If I put on a shirt that fits it looks like I'm wear a skirt instead of shorts they are so big. Knew that when I put on clothes that fit this summer that there would be a huge difference in my appearance but had no idea how big. While trying on clothes in the dressing room felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. Knew that it was my image in the mirror but could not believe that it was really me. Went from a size 38 women's to now a 18 women's haven't worn that size since before Tommy was born. So crazy! Wonder how much I would weigh without all the extra skin I'm carrying right now.

Would love to say that everything is wonderful but my health before surgery wasn't good and losing weight has helped a lot BUT! Still have issues that I need to overcome. Don't understand the fatigue but working on it slowly but surely. Can get around so much better that a year ago. Have a garden and my back yard is getting better everyday. Love working at there and seeing all the beautiful flowers bloom. Didn't even go out there last year. May wear Mike out completely before it is all over.

Will post more pictures soon as I can get Chuck or Jenna to take some. Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive of me and my journey in this new world. If you are thinking about taking this journey yourself know that it isn't the answer to all your problems but can make life so much better than where I was and know that it can do the same for you.

One Year Anniversary

2010-03-05T16:17:00.001-06:00

First a remind of what I looked like on February 17, 2009. Think you can tell the difference.

The Latest Pictures

2009-12-08T23:12:00.002-06:00

144 down

2009-11-28T09:48:00.003-06:00

It has been forever since I posted last. Things have been great and hard all at the same time. I lost a total of 144 lbs but have had a sore throat three times and two bladder infections. After losing all this weight my system is a down and so I'm catching everything that comes my way.

Before surgery they told us that we would be colder but I had no idea. So thankful for long underwear and the cold weather isn't really here yet. Could be a really long winter for me, something to look forward to???

Have lots of pictures to update so look for the soon. How to describe losing a whole person. Hugging me is a lot easier now than every. Going to have to shop for clothes soon as I continue to get comments about my baggy clothes. Still not sure how far I plan to go but will know when i get there.

92 lbs down!

2009-05-04T18:27:00.005-05:00

92 lbs down as of Monday morning with picture post. Will have professional pictures taken when hit 100.

89 down!

2009-05-03T14:49:00.003-05:00

Won't be official until next week but I'm down 89 lbs. Things are getting so much better. Finally entering the honeymoon phase of weight loss. I've been able to find my way through to the good side of eating and now the weight is really coming off. Know that eventually will change but as of today it is great. Had to go shopping this week. Generally shopping is a bad word and bad time for me but this was great. Had the best time ever, so many things that fit and so little money to spend.

My brother came by to visit today and it is the first time I have seen him since February. It told me that he could really tell a huge difference in my face. It was go great to see him and hear his words of praise. Love my little brother and glad that he is back in Oklahoma after two months in Colorado.

Probably going to see my Dad next week can't wait to see if he and my step mom can tell the difference as well. Hopefully it will be a beautiful weekend for some travel time with my husband. Friday is my next weight wise visit can't wait until I weigh in and get the official number of pounds down.

71 down and so many more to go.

2009-04-07T15:03:00.004-05:00

After visiting with the doctor last week I found out that I have lost a total of 71lbs. Someone suggested that I have almost lost a OCU dancer they only weight 90lbs. Not sure that sounds any better than a large child.

It has by no means been an easy journey probably the hardest thing I have every done. Still trying to figure out the whole eating thing. Never had a problem before as you can tell but now so hard. Eating slow is not something that I have ever dealt with or worried about. Now ever meal is an event. Something that has to be thought out and planned and not any fun at all but they tell me that it will get easier. I can’t wait one of the only major problems that I have left. Walking is so easy now and I can walk so much further than in forever. So much fun. Never thought I would say that in this lifetime.

So I have another bladder infection and went to the doctor. On their scales I have lost another 4lbs. So that makes a total of 75. Not posting that one yet waiting until I go back to the weight doctor and weigh in for that announcement. So that is a total of 4 infections since I started this program. So now I have to see an Urologist. Again how lucky can you get. Question how do you get a bladder infection when all you drink is water? Just another one of the mysteries of my life.

Where would we be with out humor in a river of tears? So took pictures for the six week update. Can you see 71lbs of difference?

66 lbs. down

2009-03-27T14:48:00.001-05:00

One month out and I’m 66 lbs down with 25 lost since surgery. This is going so fast I can hardly believe it. In no way has it been a smooth ride so far from it that I don’t want to ever forget everything that I have gone through to get to this side. Finally on real food, thank you God. No more cottage cheese, beans and tuna for every meal. I love cottage cheese but don’t think that I will be able to eat it or Jello again for a long time.

I did go shopping and tried on some pants that were the same size as the smallest pants I had in my closet. Tried them on and they were too big and had no elastic in the waist so I thought it was just the cut of the pants. However when I got home decided to try on the jeans that were the same size, drum roll please. They are too big as well. I can’t believe that I can now wear a size smaller than anything else in my closet. At least it is the pants that are baggy. I can get away with baggy pants but too big shirt is another thing all together. The boys tell me that I look like a bag lady when I wear shirts that are too big. You can allows tell the people who are losing weight at the Doctor’s office they are the ones with big and loose clothes.

I go back to the doctor on the 31st and can’t wait to see what the scales say after two weeks. I feel better every day until I run out of steam, which happens every day at some point. Of course if you count how much fuel I’m putting in my body and how much I’m using. Simple math tells you that I’m running out of fuel. Doesn’t make it easy to except but a little easier to deal with when it happens. Just need to keep up the good work.

A lot harder than I though!

2009-03-15T22:30:00.006-05:00

So as of tonight I'm almost four weeks out from surgery. I thought the hardest part was trying to lose the weight before surgery. Then thought nothing would be harder than the two weeks of liquids. Now I have start soft food and have gotten into trouble again. When the told us to eat slowly, I thought it meant to take small bites and chew completely. Instead they meant for you to take a small bite chew completely and basically walk away before you take your next bite.

I was eating slowly but not slow enough the food was backing up before it even got to my new stomach. The doctor and staff have placed me on a new special diet of soft and moist food the remainder of this week. No fun at all considering that the week included my birthday. No cake for me this year, or ever for that matter. Have done a lot better with the changes and hope to begin step 2 of the diet.

I really shouldn't complain as of last week had lost 61lbs. or a small child. Last week was three weeks since my last picture so I'm including the three week out pictures in this post. Hopefully I will have more success at placement of those pics. Last time they went where they wanted and not where I placed them. Hope you can tell a difference.

Minor Set Back

2009-02-27T09:20:00.003-06:00

Have been having trouble with everything tasting like crap. So went to doctor for a problem with one of my incisions that was a little infected. However while I was there they started asking me questions and before it was over I was downstairs in the hospital with an IV for over 6 hours. They told me that I was very dehydrated. Should be drinking at least 64 oz. a day and was only able to do about 30. I guess I must have looked pretty bad for them to immediately decide that I needed fluids.

The best or worst part was that the surgeon told them to give me a bag of fluids in 15 minutes. Needless to say that they weren't able to get it done in 15 but in 25 and my arm is still freezing cold. They continued that for 4 bags. So I froze for over 6 hours. Then to top everything off the surgeon told me and the staff that he would come by to see me before he left for the night. By 7 that night he hadn't come by and when asked the staff told me that he had left. So they had to call him to see if I could go home.

Yesterday was really busy went to work for 3 hours then to the doctor at 1:30 and left the hospital at 7:15. Do I know how to spend the day or what. They did give me some medicine to help with the taste problem so hopefully we won't have to do that again any time soon.

I'm attaching the pictures I took the night before surgery. Might have mentioned that pre-op nurse suggested that I take a picture of myself every three weeks to track my progress. So here is the first.

One week today

2009-02-25T11:15:00.003-06:00

I can't believe that a week ago today I had surgery. Seems like a lifetime ago and only a day. The best part is that one week of the liquid diet is over. Thank Heavens! It has been hard. To find things to drink that are filling and trying to not lose my hair. Right now the best has been soups, only the liquid part of the soup.

The pain is better not gone but more manageable. Haven't gone back to work yet but think I will go for a couple of hours tomorrow and see how it goes. Have discovered that rest is the most important part of this recovery. It gives my body the time is needs to heal. Still worry about the dizzy part of the liquid diet affecting me working, driving and walking. We will see tomorrow.

So far can't tell that I'm losing any weight. Not wearing clothes that would show that to me. With six incision sites still prefer to wear old comfortable clothes that don't touch the body. Hopefully by Monday, I will be back in good form that is the date of my post-op diet class. Starting two weeks of soft foods. Can't wait for that part. Kind of excited about chewing food again.

5 Days after surgery.

2009-02-23T14:26:00.002-06:00

Today is the morning of the fifth day after surgery. The morning of surgery the pre-op nurse told us that she had the gastric sleeve in 2007. The level of nerves fell and everyone felt so much better about the surgery. I was so blessed to have my husband, brother and pastor there that morning.

Surgery went very well and the initial recovery at the hospital went well and fast. I went home the next morning at 9. They gave me the option of staying and taking a shower at the hospital or going home to take one. Of course my shower sounded so much better. Off we went. It felt great to be home.

The first day home was a blur, drug blur but good. Over the next couple of days I felt okay not good but okay. By day four I did not feel good. Woke up day 5 with a sore throat and runny nose. How much fun can one person have.

Still very sore in one spot. Have 6 incision spots that have stitches with a derma glue over. That part has been great don't have to worry about infected in those sights. However one spot on my stomach is very sore. Still find myself covering it up every time I move. May have to give the doctor a call if doesn't get better.

The liquid diet part has been okay. Not the easiest thing but okay. The biggest problem has been TV! Never realized how many food commercials there actually are on TV. When you know you aren't really hungry but that looks so good it makes it hard. At first the broth at the hospital was good but by now it is terrible. No flavor at all and doesn't last five seconds before you are hungry again. The jello, egg drop soup and ramen noodle soup is a great help.

So far everything has been worth it all but ready for the good times to start. Oh and let me not forget to mention the gas! Not only the gas that they use during surgery but the gas you have afterwards almost every time you drink anything. Looking forward to chewing something besides ice in the near but distant future.

1 day left

2009-02-17T11:10:00.002-06:00

This time tomorrow it will all be over! I will be starting a new chapter in my life. Seems like a dream right now. Worked so hard for this to happen and now it is. Feel like I'm holding my breath, just breath. So easy to say but so hard to do. Not sure there is anything else to say but thank you to everyone who is praying and supporting me through this process. Would not be here in this place without my personal cheerleaders.

Finally Day 2

2009-02-16T09:09:00.002-06:00

Okay hit a bump in the road on the morning of supposed Day 3. The surgeon's office calls to tell me that one of the surgeon's mother passed away and the funeral will be Monday morning. So they move my surgery to Wednesday. This means that the morning of day 3 in now Day 5 again.

Took that news pretty well. Had lots of plans for Friday with a lunch date (who cancels) and coffee date with friends to knit. That was great, lots of knitting with the Hanoch girls. Then Saturday morning coffee again and knitting with another friend. Four hours of great smells and knitting what more can you ask for? So watched Dan in Real Life, great movie. Love my Netflix's and my mac book.

So today is day 2, oh my! Errands to run and another lunch date. Lots of fun to distract me from the fact that tomorrow begins two weeks of a liquid diet to be followed by two weeks of soft food diet.

By the way had a great Valentine's Day. Mike got me the sweetest card and prayer box bracelet. We went to Target and I made it through the whole store and then went to dinner at Jason's Deli. Was great no lines and no crowds.

The boys sold stock for the Mexico trip at church yesterday. They are so funny but did a great job. Then lunch with Marcus, Sang, Jay, Natalie, Chuck and Mike at Johnnie's. I'm enjoying spending time with all the people that I love. Got a lot of support and love yesterday at church for this surgery. It is so great to have such a wonderful church family to support me.

Okay time to get started on those errands. Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

It's day 5 already!

2009-02-11T11:02:00.002-06:00

Okay it's Wednesday and day 5 of the surgery count. Received tons of love from the support staff at our monthly meeting this morning. A very special pray from Randy and lots of hugs and encouragement from everyone. I'm so blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life.

It's so strange but I feel as if I'm going to have a procedure done that will change me into someone new. Basically that is what is going to happen but... The words are hard to put together to explain it but I know that next week my life will be completely different never the same as it is today. Guess I'm in a holding pattern or circling the airport waiting for clearance to land.

Did check one thing off my list of things to do before surgery last night, Casa Perico's. I was good no chips, queso, tortillas but had taco tapado so good. As far as food goes that is the only thing that I really wanted. It's so strange that I don't have a lot of cravings for food that I have given up. Now I will admit that the smell of cooking pasta is hard to take but I'm dealing.

Someone told me that it must all feel very surreal right now waiting for my new life to begin and I agree. That is exactly the word I was looking for "surreal."

Day 7!

2009-02-09T11:07:00.002-06:00

Today is so unreal to me. One week from today I will have surgery. Have waited for this and wanted this for so long and it is finally here? Very hard for me to believe that it will really happen. Weight has been an issue for me my whole life, what will life be without it? When I can go anywhere and do anything without thinking about my size? Again seems so far away but so close.

Waking up everyday with the knowledge that everything is about to change is crazy. Each morning I seem to see something different than I did the day before. Started this blog to keep a record of my journey and to share with others this experience. However I'm finding that I'm learning so much about myself in this process. Heaven only knows what I will be thinking when I read over these entries but I can't wait to see.

8 Days and counting

2009-02-08T13:43:00.002-06:00

Okay, this might get a little old but can't seem to help my self. So I realized today that a week from today I start the liquid part of my diet to prepare for my surgery. One week seems like no time but so far away. Also realized that one year ago this week I was fired from my last job and thought life was over and going down hill fast.

Was so wrong about that one. God opened a huge door for me last year. A door that let me enter into a new world of joy, hope, peace and love. Things that I had lost over the 5 years that I worked for that company. Last February I felt old and used up and so discouraged about life and myself. Was in so much pain, physically and mentally but look at me one year later. God has been so amazing and giving to me sometimes I wonder if I truly deserve his love and devotion. But as Robert told us this morning we are the salt of the earth.

See so many people who have God at work in their lives but they are so busy they can't see him. I guess my prayer today is that everyone would have the same light that God has shone on me today so they can see the miracles that he is working in their lives.

9 Days and counting

2009-02-07T20:16:00.005-06:00

It really doesn't seem real that in 9 short days that my life will be forever changed. For the last 2 and half months I have worked so hard to make the changes to obtain this goal. It's here, am I ready? Mike is right I will be a cheap dinner date.

I have no picture of what life will be like now. You have to understand that I plan everything. A good plan and a backup but now what???

My brother told me that no one will recognize me next year at Christmas. He is probably right. You know when you get a new car and no one knows your car it can be fun but will it be fun when no one knows me. So many things to think about. The most important thing is that I do have a future. I guess it will be a very exciting adventure that I can't wait to begin.

Today is the Day!!

2009-02-06T14:15:00.001-06:00

I made it! 42 lbs later I have a surgery date of February 16th! Can't believe it is finally here or ten days away. Have no idea what life will be like but I'm so ready for the change to begin.

Can't buy a break

2009-02-03T20:59:00.002-06:00

This is the week I get to set my surgery date. So of course I have to have pink eye in both eyes and a bladder infection. I don't think I can buy a break. Went to the doctor to get something for the eyes because of course my two eye doctors are out of town until Thursday. While there needed to be rechecked for a bladder infection from a couple of weeks ago. So of course it is back.

In addition they have me eating so much fiber that I'm having another problem which makes it uncomfortable to set in one place or at all. So of course I thought that I didn't feel well because of that problem.

Called my step mom to have someone to complain to but of course my father had to answer the phone. As always got tons of sympathy from him. Okay not so much but he was happy to tell me that it could always get worse.

One blessing that I have found it my tailor. She tells me that anything that I can't wear to bring to her and she will be able to take in. Now I know that at some point I will have to purchase new clothes but in the mean time this will be great. I took two brand new shirts to her that looks dresses right now and she is moving the sleeves, taking in the sides, and the length. Now it will cost me $20 for each shirt but when you count the cost of a new shirt, I know I have a good deal going on.

Now if I can just make it until Friday. It would also help if my job is still there when I get over the pink eye. Don't think anyone wants to be near me right now.

Second Part Stress Test

2009-01-30T19:09:00.004-06:00

Second part of the stress test wasn't as bad as the first day. Only had to have an IV for a little while. They injected me with some radioactive stuff and took more pictures. So they put back in the little space and took more pictures of my heart. Okay so later that day they called. I don't know about you but the day you go for a test and you get a phone call it can't be good news. The first thought is that they test didn't work or that something is wrong with you. It was my lucky day they already had my results and I passed with flying colors.

This means that next Friday I can set my surgery date. Can you believe it? I'm almost there! Have met all the requirements before surgery. Lost the weight, attended a support group meeting, pre-op diet class, and stress test. There is nothing more to do. After two months I'm ready to set my date and make this major change in my life.

One of the staff asked if I could imagine my life this time next year. I have no idea what my life will be like. My entire life I have felt overweight. Since my mother made we attend Weight Watchers when I was in Middle School. Had a huge effect on my life. Can't begin to picture my life without worrying about my weight.

Stress Test

2009-01-27T10:52:00.005-06:00

Completed the first part of the stress test. Of course it had to be schedule for the worst day of travel so far in 2009 but I made it on time. Should probably tell you that my lovely husband played the role of driver today. Lots of curb service very helpfully to someone who walks with a cane. Canes and ice don't go well together.

So I go in and they start an IV line then put me in a chair and hook me up to all the monitors. Then the real fun begins when they begin to tell me about how the drugs will make me feel. Very promising you could begin to feel like you are having a heart attack but remember we can stop it in a few minutes. So they hook me up to the drugs and start them. The first thing that happens is I realize that my body is really tense. Then I begin to get really lightheaded and my body is tingling. Okay so this isn't so bad, not fun but I can work with this, right? Oh that is when the guys comes around the corner and with more drugs to add to the IV. Needless to say things begin to kick up a lot, you shortness of breath and the world spinning. So the guy asks are you doing okay? I wanted to ask him to describe OKAY, but thought better of it.

The thing is that I want to pass this test so I can have surgery. Don't really need to piss the guys off right?

So they stop that part and send me off to the Ultrasound of my heart. This part was interesting because I could watch the pictures of my heart as it was working. Didn't have a clue as to what she was doing but knew that it was working.

Now they tell me to have some breakfast and come back at 9. The roads are covered in ice and my normal breakfast right now is a Soy French Vanilla Shake. So that took about 5 minutes tops but waited until 9 as asked and then part two of the stress test. Pictures of my heart. The important part of this portion is that I don't like tight closed spaces. As you might have guest I have to lay on a table for 15 minutes in this small space and let a x-ray like machine slowly move around me taking pictures. Thankfully they did not try to cover my face with this moving part or it would have been very exciting but I managed to get through this part.

So I completed day one BUT WAIT. Tomorrow I have to be there at for the second part. Stay tuned for more exciting medical experiences.

2009-01-25T19:10:00.000-06:00

This is the beginning of a new chapter in my life and I have decided to share it with the people in my life. The new beginning is the fact that I'm in the process of having weight loss surgery. My whole life I have felt over weight, pictures of my past say otherwise. Now at 48 years old the reality is that I'm considered morbidly obese, great phrase one that I have still not been able to hear or say with out flinching. In 2007 I hurt my knee and lower back and put myself in a position where I can't exercise and lose weight. So a decision had to be made do I die young and morbidly obese or take back my life. Wasn't a really hard decision. Would like to play with possible future grandchildren.

So after some soul searching and Internet searching I have found the greatest place to begin my new chapter. Have been able to find a clinic with a great staff and doctors to work with my in my new beginning.

The first hurdle was losing 38 lbs. beginning before Thanksgiving 2008. As of January 23 I have lost 38.5 lbs. Now the only things standing in my way of setting a surgery date is a stress test and echo-cardiogram. Have completed the weight loss, the VO2 test, Support Group Meeting and beginning an exercise program (designed especially for me).

One last hurdle and then the real work with begin. My hope is that this blog will serve to help others understand what I'm going through. As well as maybe help one person begin to understand their own struggle is not one they have to suffer alone.